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virginangelicGoing through a couple of friends' blogs, I can't help but wonder if things will be alright for me. Maybe reading all the tad depressive entries have made me pensive, I'm not certain but I am very very sure that at this point in time, I feel awkward. Like I'm being left behind.
Everyone whom I've known since primary and secondary school (what seemed like only yesterday is eons ago) are writing about grappling adult issues. Like relationships, of finances and of course higher education. They muse about truckload of exam papers, of upcoming plans and of course, the all important university.
I can't help but wonder why I don't feel the pressure, the anxiety of getting into a university. What is freaking wrong with me?! Argh. Intelligent beings, capable of producing more intellectual thoughts and discussions are fretting whether or not they can even get into a university. And I...here I am, trawling forums just to read fan reactions to the addition of a new member to an idol group - for kicks. T.T
Suddenly, I feel as though I've wasted my life away and yet, I feel as though my life is fine the way it is. (Well, not really but in terms of satisfaction, I think we're getting there)
Sigh...of course, then there are the 17 yr olds who wonder if maturity will suddenly appear overnight when they turn 18. And looking back, I realise that I cannot answer that as confidently as some of my friends have. Have I somehow matured as a person? I...I don't think so and that thought both scares and consoles me at the same time (if that is even possible).
In December, when reunions start, I wonder if I'll be able to connect with these bunch of young adults or whether I would be the eccentric sitting in the corner, sipping cherryade.
I wonder...if things will be any different in three years time when we're having a 5 yr sec sch reunion. IF that is possible in the first place.
And suddenly, I'm faced with the knowledge of my mortality. I don't know if I will live that long to see them. But I hope I do.
Everyone whom I've known since primary and secondary school (what seemed like only yesterday is eons ago) are writing about grappling adult issues. Like relationships, of finances and of course higher education. They muse about truckload of exam papers, of upcoming plans and of course, the all important university.
I can't help but wonder why I don't feel the pressure, the anxiety of getting into a university. What is freaking wrong with me?! Argh. Intelligent beings, capable of producing more intellectual thoughts and discussions are fretting whether or not they can even get into a university. And I...here I am, trawling forums just to read fan reactions to the addition of a new member to an idol group - for kicks. T.T
Suddenly, I feel as though I've wasted my life away and yet, I feel as though my life is fine the way it is. (Well, not really but in terms of satisfaction, I think we're getting there)
Sigh...of course, then there are the 17 yr olds who wonder if maturity will suddenly appear overnight when they turn 18. And looking back, I realise that I cannot answer that as confidently as some of my friends have. Have I somehow matured as a person? I...I don't think so and that thought both scares and consoles me at the same time (if that is even possible).
In December, when reunions start, I wonder if I'll be able to connect with these bunch of young adults or whether I would be the eccentric sitting in the corner, sipping cherryade.
I wonder...if things will be any different in three years time when we're having a 5 yr sec sch reunion. IF that is possible in the first place.
And suddenly, I'm faced with the knowledge of my mortality. I don't know if I will live that long to see them. But I hope I do.
bibi
Date: 2007-10-14 06:45 am (UTC)some have tailored it to the family aspect, where being a child means thinking of your parents as role models and utterly perfect beings. being a teenager, when you come to realise it isn't true, you question your parents' decisions, actions and way of thinking, you challenge and rebel, trying to find what it is that is the best way to have raised you. As a teenager you realise that your parents aren't perfect but you turn into an adult when you realise you aren't perfect too. that people make mistakes. being an adult means that you are able to forgive your parents for their mistakes.
i guess for me, i'm still a teenager. can't quite forgive my parents' for breaking up in vague, undictated terms and lacking the skills and maturity necessary for maintaining a marriage in the first place. i understand that circumstances are such, that you can't change them. but the consequences remain, i don't think i'm perfect and i know my parents aren't perfect either. but i can't quite forgive them for having been immature, despite having tried to make things better.
have i then not matured?
Adulthood...who sets the boundaries for such categories? Once i support myself financially, am i then an adult?
eek. i think my rant's longer than yours. oops, sorry.
*tiptoes away quietly*
Re: bibi
Date: 2007-10-14 03:39 pm (UTC)I'd have to agree with you that so far no one has been able to tackle maturity headon and successfully come up with a list of criteria that makes one mature.
But I don't think you're a teenager! Because it takes a mature person to be able to recognise that he/she isn't perfect. No one really is but it takes gut to admit it. *nods* I can't say I understand how you feel concerning divorce but I do sort of get what you mean. I know you'll be able to forgive them one day but look at it this way. At least, you didn't cut all ties to them right? All relationships need time and effort to work afterall. XD
But I can't believe someone actually reads these rants. lol. I shall return the favour my dear!